


you'll spend the rest of your life trying to forget his name

by loherangrin



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Fluff, Light Angst, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-12
Updated: 2020-06-12
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:55:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24685711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loherangrin/pseuds/loherangrin
Summary: At his core, Michael is, has always been, the Sword by which his Father doles out punishment.
Relationships: Michael/Adam Milligan
Comments: 3
Kudos: 57





	you'll spend the rest of your life trying to forget his name

**Author's Note:**

> me, a hot 8-or-so years after last watching anything spn related::::what's this thing I've heard about adam being back on the show????
> 
> late to the party, as always. will I ever catch up on what I lost? who knows. I feel like I should be tagging this for blasphemy or something ~~it's a show character, does it count?~~ but, yeah.
> 
> title comes from Yes & No, by Natalie Wee; it's a very good poem, and I tried slipping in some references.

_you are very bad at rehabilitation. this is one addiction you’d fail to give up._

_he’s going to ruin you for all other kisses and all other boys and you’ll spend_

_the rest of your life trying to forget his name._

**Yes & No,** Natalie Wee

The request is a long time coming one, but Michael is as unprepared to hear it as he’s ever been.

“Kiss me?”

Quiet. Soft in a way he has intimately learned to associate with one Adam Milligan.

The terrified trembling of his grace, in response to the question, is not a feeling Michael’s accustomed to. Not something he’s ever felt, to be honest. But Adam just waits, and watches, and tentatively hopes — and Michael can feel it in him, the restlessness of his soul, brimming with light, the patience and fondness, the willingness to back out if only Michael asks him to.

It is tempting to reach out to him. Tempting to soak in the warmth he knows awaits, to dip and lose himself in the pools of liquid blue that are Adam’s eyes, to let himself be consumed. Michael has never felt any holier around him — instead, it’s like finally finding something worth worshipping, and all he wants to do is to get on his knees and whisper his prayers against Adam’s skin.

Handing someone so much power over him is dangerous. And it _was_ handed over, freely, willingly given. Trusting with such blind faith didn’t work out for him the first time around, so Michael refrains from reaching back — from touching him, from wondering once more what his lips would taste like. Michael refrains from giving in because, even if it’s Adam and Adam has never steered him wrong before, the consequences could be dire.

Michael is not a lover. He is a warrior, a leader, the Prince of the Heavenly Host and the first Archangel. He is not built for gentleness, for tender love. At his core, Michael is, has always been, the Sword by which his Father doles out punishment.

Adam would not hold it against him, were he to be hurt. Adam, who smiles and pokes fun at him, who speaks his mind, who teaches him human things, who _wants_ him. Perhaps that’s why the even the mere chance of it happening sounds so unforgivable. Michael knows not how to hold things without breaking them — it’s what he was _made_ for —, and doing so to Adam might just be enough to kill him.

So, no, he doesn’t reach out. But, _oh_ , how Michael wants to.

“I am not afraid of you.”

He wouldn’t (shouldn’t, anyway) be. Adam’s not afraid of anything — not anymore, not after everything he’s been through. And he always understands, doesn’t he? Sees the cracks and the scars, the missing feathers, the aching empty spaces were the Cage carefully pried him open and then tore him apart. Beyond that, Adam sees _Michael_. Not the prince, nor the warrior. Not the good son and neither the sword.

Adam sees Michael. Always. Just Michael. Still trembling, hesitating, still scared.

“Please.”

Michael wants to. He wants to because Adam is beautiful, and because he asked, and because there is nothing Michael wouldn’t do for him. He wants to because Adam’s soul is warm when it tucks itself against his grace’s core, so bright and colourful, so unique — because whenever he needed, Adam wrapped himself around him to comfort, to protect, to whisper sweet reassurances when Michael was at his worst, losing his faith and his mind, forsaken by the one he always trusted the most.

Michael wants to because Adam was the first to look at him and see him for _himself_ , and still regard Michael as someone worthy. Not perfect, perhaps even broken, but _good_.

Above all, Michael wants to kiss him because he loves him.

“Michael?”

At his core, Michael is, has always been, the Sword by which his Father doles out punishment. He wants to try to be someone else, now. To take something for himself, and be gentle, and have a tender love.

Michael wants to hold Adam close to him without the fear of breaking him. He wants to take this leap of faith.

“Okay.”

**Author's Note:**

> this is all over the place smh


End file.
